If Necessary Use Words..

I thought about tagging this onto my thankful post for today, but I decided to instead to give this its own post.  This isn't a thankful post. It's my heart's desire based what God has been teaching me over the past few days.

It began Friday.  Despite the feeling of pure exhaustion (getting back to a schedule this week has proved to be quite a challenge for me and well, I was at camp so come on now who really ever gets enough sleep at camp), I wanted to read and journal a bit before bed.  One of my desires for 2011 is to put more scripture to memory.  After thought and some prayer I decided to join the challenge of memorizing Colossians in a year
so I flipped my Bible to Colossians 1:1-2 the passage for the week.  Up until this point I hadn't actually seen much sense in memorizing these verses.  It's the greeting that Paul gives to the church in Colossae as he begins his letter to them.  But as I read the words late Friday night something struck me as I read the eleven words.

Paul, an apostle of Christ Jesus by the will of God...

Paul's identity was in Christ.  He identifies himself not by his nationality, not by his occupation, not by his family members.  He identifies himself as an apostle of Christ Jesus.  

By the will of God.  He did nothing to earn the position of being an apostle.  It was only by God.  Nothing he did.  Everything God did.

As I drifted off to sleep those words stayed with me.  My prayer became that I would find my identity alone in Christ but not by me...solely by God's will.  

Saturday.  These eleven words continued to linger in my mind as I headed to session with our youth group.  My yearning to be found alone as an apostle of Christ.  That my words and actions would reflect this moved within me.  The speaker discussed how as Christians we all have spiritual gifts to share and use in the Body of Christ.  And when we moved into family time with our youth we started to discuss the spiritual gifts that we saw in each other.  It was encouraging to many of them to see how others saw Christ using them in a different ways.  

We went around the circle and when they came to me one of the girls who I've known for years shouted out, "When I was little Caitlin was my idol!  I wanted to be just like Caitlin!" 

That really struck me.  Not that I necessarily want to be someone's idol but that someone looked up to me like that was quite moving.  But that got me thinking even more...if people are looking up to me what example to do I want to set?  Who do I want them to see?  Christ.  That my actions and my words should point them to the Lover.  The Living God.  

Today came...and the speaker spoke of evangelism.  The speaker raised the question of what was evangelism.  Someone called out, "Having a conversation with someone about Christ."  Then someone else called out, "It's more than that...it's a lifestyle.  It's more than our words.  It's our actions and lives pointing to Christ."  Immediately I thought of a favorite quote of mine by St. Francis of Assissi,

Preach the Gospel always, and if necessary, use words.

I want my life to be preach the love of Christ, the hope He offers.  But I want it to be more than the words that I speak (though my words are important).  I want my actions.  I want my thoughts.  I want my choices.  I want all that is about me to point to Christ.  I want everything that I am to preach Him.  Especially if people are watching.  If people are looking up to me then I don't want them to ever see me. I want them to see Christ.  I want my very being to cry out...

Caitlin, an apostle of Christ Jesus by the will of God...