Musings about Goodbyes

I've been thinking a lot about goodbyes this week. I've been thinking primarily how they never get easier. And to in some ways I feel like I should be a pro at them. I'm not. I actually think I'm getting worse at them. Or at the ripe old age of 26 I'm becoming a sap.

Though it's not been quite a decade yet, I think I can call the decade of my life since graduating high school the decade of goodbyes. 

At 18 I was eager for those goodbyes. I was ready to wave goodbye to Lake Placid from a rear view mirror. Even though we teared up as they left I was ready to leave my family behind for new adventures. I craved the independence that came with goodbyes. 

Now at 26 I still long for adventures. And I love a visit to LP but I still need to leave it in the rear view. But it's those goodbyes that get me. The goodbyes always loom over, waiting to pounce. I'm never ready for them and they always come too quick.

Between university, moving abroad to Spain and then to Wales I've lost count of how many times I've said goodbye to my parents, my brother and the rest of my family. 

The goodbyes to friends knowing it might be years or never in this life that I see them again. It the goodbyes knowing the challenge but necessity to keep in touch (the struggle that comes knowing you're not very good at keeping though all the while vowing to do better). 

It's only been a year and four months since Michael and I quit saying goodbye at airports every month. 

Living in Spain brought new meaning to goodbyes as it felt a bit like a revolving door, never knowing who was coming or going and when. I have to add an aside and say how much respect I have for those who commit their lives to missionary care especially to missionary kids - providing stability for them but also the strength they exemplify to endure goodbyes.  

Wales has brought about less goodbyes than Spain. I now have partner to navigate them with and to whom I don't have to say goodbye to. I have family here. I have a stable community. The goodbyes within Wales aren't as constant as they were  in Spain.

Expect for one type of goodbye. The goodbye to my family. The tears that still well up at airports as we wave to each other through security until we no longer can see each other. The knowing those goodbyes mean missing birthdays, milestones and everyday life. 

Those who are called to far away places know this is the reality and the sacrifice. Being called makes it worth it, but it doesn't make it easy. 

And Michael and I know without doubt we called to do life in Tremorfa. We aren't called here for a year but called to the point that this might mean forever. And even if God one day does call us to the US for us there will always be one side to say goodbye to. We will always have goodbyes. The goodbyes to family are the cost of the call that Jesus has placed on Michael and I. But as Rend Collection sings, 'I'm counting up the cost and You are worth it.'

And Jesus is worth it. Because Jesus is better. Hard to say but true. 

And in the goodbyes I have learned a lot.

1. Goodbyes make you cherish the time you get when you get it. You laugh more, argue less. Or at least you try. You make more time to just be together. You look at things differently. You try and capture moments in your mind. You try to make them last. Goodbyes mean you try to be intentional and make the moments matter. I'm not the best at this and am still learning how to do this both when I'm with family and just in everyday life. And one day I might just be good at keeping touch and make those most of those moments, too.

2. Goodbyes also mean hellos. If I can this the decade of goodbyes I have go also call this the decade of hellos. And where would I be without those hellos. Those hellos have brought me incredible friends (you know the type that you can just pick up where you left off). The hellos introduced me to the man I now get call my husband. Even though our relationship consisted of a lot of goodbyes the excitement of the hellos were always better. Especially the that hello September 2013 that meant we finally lived in the same country. Hellos have brought me two incredible countries. Hellos brought me to an organization that allows me to be apart of what God is doing in South Wales and used passions. Hellos brought me to Tremorfa, a diamond in the rough when it comes to communities but I love it. Hellos have brought me a new family in Wales, friends across the world and to a church I love. Yes, goodbyes are hard but hellos are so beautiful.

3. We weren't made for goodbyes. I've started reading through the Bible with the goal to read it all in 365 days. It means reading Genesis and I have a funny relationship with that book. But something really struck me as I read about Adam and Eve. Eating that fruit, that sin meant goodbye. It meant goodbye to that complete relationship with God. They had it so great - I mean they literally got to walk around with God and completely hang out with Him and be in His presence. I imagine they got to have deep chats with Him but I bet they also got to hear His laugh. How amazing to get to hear God's laugh?! 

But sin changed that. Sin forced a goodbye upon them and to that relationship. It meant separation and death. It meant pain. I think that's why goodbyes are so hard because they weren't intended. In the perfect world God created there weren't goodbyes. 

Thankfully, my God is about hellos. Jesus said goodbye to His Father and said hello to us. Which had to be hard, knowing perfect love with God but coming to embrace our rejection to give us a way to God. But Jesus decided we worth it. He did what He came to do, embraced us, taught us how to live, let us reject Him, murder Him even. And He conquered death, He conquered sin, He conquered goodbyes.

He conquered goodbyes.

We weren't made for goodbyes and because of Jesus and living in Him means one there will be no goodbyes.

And this girl is thankful for that. 

{The pics might seem random but they're all from my trip the visit my family over the holidays - the inspiration for this post}