Thirty-One

So I have written and deleted this post two times so I'm praying that this third time is a charm.

Today I'm thankful for confusion.

Now I know that sounds like a strange thing to be thankful for but I am.  I may not like the confusion.  I definitely don't understand the confusion.  But I know this confusion is bringing closer to God.

2010 has probably been the most confusing year that I have lived through thus far.  A very good friend told me recently that I will probably look back on this year and be amazed at how God moved.  To be honest when I first heard that I thought to myself, "No, I'll just be glad this year finally came to an end." But I'm beginning to think otherwise.  That when it's all said and done I'll long back at this year and see how God's hand moved in ways that I can't even begin to fathom right now.  And if the only thing that this year bring is a deeper relationship with Christ then that is more than enough for me.

Today has probably been one of the most confusing days in a long time.  It wasn't a bad - actually it was great day!  But inside of me feels like a giant pot of pure chaos...

I wrote yesterday of God asking me to lay something down in His hands.  And today I struggled with the confusion as to why.  I found myself asking over and over again, "Why God? Why?"  And then telling God how much I didn't like this nor did I understand it.  Each time in the loving voice that He has I heard, "My beloved, do you trust Me?"  Though I understand or like it I know it's bringing me closer to His heart and that's where I long to be.  While I wish I could shake some magin crystal ball and see how the future turns out I know I can't.  I know that this is going to increase my faith.  I know it's going to be worth it.  And though I can't fathom how it could be better than I imagine it, I know God will do something with this that I will be beyond even my wildest expectations.  So in confusion God draws me closer to Him and definitely reveals  how patient He is with me.

But today wins the most confusing day award for something else...a thought that sprung up this morning and hasn't left me.  A thought that has rung in ears all day long.  A thought...a calling...that I don't even begin to know what to make of.  A thought that I fear I may have been ignoring for while.  But this thought has been on my heart all day.  It confuses me more than anything has lately.  And again I find myself at the feet of Christ waiting for His guidance.  Trusting that He will direct my steps.  Taking His hand and desiring Him to lead me.  I don't want to go into details on here just yet but please be praying for me and for God to make clear His desires.  (If you would like to have more details I'd be glad to share just message me on facebook or you can even e-mail me at cmunro@gardner-webb.edu or if you have my phone number you can call or text me).

I feel like this post is probably super confusing.  I'm pretty sure it has just been me rambling.  So if you're confused I apologize, but at the same time I guess the confusion of this post might be fitting for the topic of this post...just know I'm thankful for confusion because it brings into the arms of my Savior and that is where I want to be.

Grace and Peace :)

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to Him and He will make your paths straight."

Proverbs 3:5-6 (This has been on my heart today)