Thirty-Four

"So, if you think you are standing firm, be careful that you don't fall."

1 Corinthians 10:12

So after I wrote my post last night I felt pretty proud of myself.  Probably too proud of myself I had gone a day without tears over a certain situation and I felt at peace that God was in complete control and would use this for His glory.  I also found myself at peace about God's perfect timing for when I'm to leave for Spain.  I could honestly stay if I have to stay longer in Lake Placid I know it is for the best and I will be joyous about it.  I felt I was able to let go of how I had been wronged and moving forward to forgive the people and sincerely pray for them.  I found myself pretty confident that I would be able to go without Facebook for the rest of the month.

And then I was reminded that when you think you're standing firm...you better be careful...

Within 15 minutes of the post I was fretting and dwelling on how angry I was with the people who had wronged me.  And this morning I woke up bitter at these people (not the way I want to start the day)

Within an hour of my post I found myself once again in tears over the same situation that I thought I had finally gained peace about.  I found myself once again questioning and in a sense mourning what I thought I had lost.  And today I found myself sad about the situation and wishing things could be different right now.

Then all day today I wanted to be Facebook.  I can't even begin to count the times that I almost gave in.

But today I find myself thankful though I don't always get what I want...God always gives me what I need (and as I write now I'm currently singing Glee's "You can't always get what you want...but if you try sometimes you just might find...you get what you need").  Here's how God met each of these wants with what I really needed today...

Whenever I was tempted to dwell on my bitterness and to become more angry, I was reminded of need to pray for them.  I was reminded that Satan wants me to angry, he wants me to bitter, he wants me to get all worked up over this...but God wants to give me peace about it, to help me forgive them, to pray for them, and to ultimately share His love with them.  When I was at my lowest over this, He provided me with Psalm 35...and it was exactly what I needed to hear.  

When I found myself in tears last night, I felt His presence.  It was like He was holding me and reminding that it was okay to cry but that He was in control and in the end I would see how beautiful this situation would become.   But then today He turned to tables on me.  Each time I found myself sad today over this, sweet little Chloe who had hair in her face and was a sticky mess would give me the biggest smile or do something that would make me laugh.  It was as if God was telling me through her that He doesn't want me to be sad anymore.  He wants me to smile and be happy and to see the joy all around me.  I was reminded once again that I don't need to mourn this situation as if I've lost something because I haven't lost anything...so instead of mourning I need to rejoice in the blessing God has given me.  

When I found myself longing for Facebook, God would bring to mind something I needed to do...like write thank-you notes or play with Chloe.  

I still have a peace about my visa...and that peace is completely from Him :)

I'm thankful that God doesn't always give me what I want.  But that He gives me what I need.  I'm not a parent but I spend enough time with children to know and I have parents that we're often told to wait or told no to protect us.  Like with Chloe I had to tell her, "No," when she tried to climb up the ladder to play on the monkey bars.  She's seen the bigger kids do it and so she thinks she needs to do it, too.  One day Chloe will be big enough to climb on the monkey bars, but today she is not.  If I let her, she would get hurt.  And I love her and I don't want her to get hurt.  Yes, she protested but since I love her I had to tell her no and stop her.  For now she'll have to wait until the day comes for her to swing across the monkey bars.

It's the same with God.  Sometimes I try to do things that aren't good for me.  It doesn't always mean they're wrong or bad, they're just not the best for me at the time.  It's like monkey bars aren't bad, unless you're 18-months-old.  God has stopped some things in my life this week not because they're bad - they're great actually - but because they're not what I need right now.  Maybe one day they will be what I need, but right not God knows that I would probably end up hurt and lose my focus on what He's given me to do.  And He loves me too much to not protect me from getting hurt.  He wants the best for me.  He knows what's best for me.  When He says no or wait, He doesn't do it to be mean.  He does it out of His overwhelming, passionate, consuming love for me.

So look around and see how God provides for your needs.  That while He may not give you what you want...He gives you just what you need.  He loves you more than you'll ever comprehend :)

"And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love."

1 John 4:16

"And my God will meet all your needs according to His glorious riches in Christ Jesus."

Philippians 4:19