I'm thankful for the chance to share my calling to go to Spain. I'm thankful for the hospitality shown and the encouraging spoken by the people at Faith Presbyterian Church.
This is what I prepared to share...
(Don't worry I didn't read it. It helps me to gather my thoughts if I write out what I want to say)
“When my spirit grows faint within me, it is you who know my way.” Psalm 142:3a
Growing up in church missions always seemed like far off feat. Even as a young child something about missions intrigued me. I can remember sitting in my 6th grade Bible class and hearing stories of those who left all the comforts of home behind to share the hope and love of Christ. Often these left me amazed. I questioned whether I could ever summon up that kind of courage and follow the Lord wherever He would lead me. But in my mind missionaries were super-Christians with perfect backgrounds, and I knew I was not a super-Christian and my background was nowhere near perfect. When my classmates dismissed missions as something lame and a career they would never want to pursue, I put on a front that I agreed with them though in my heart I knew I didn’t – I just didn’t think I was good enough or God could use me.
But as it says 2 Timothy 2:13, “If we are faithless, He will remain faithful for He cannot disown Himself.” Even though I had cast off the idea of being a missionary, God was still at work. As I reflect back on the past few years I can see God’s hand in bringing me to this place where I am preparing to go and serve Him in Spain.
His hand first grabbed a hold of mine and began to captivate my heart. I saw how He loved me with a love I didn’t deserve nor could I earn. I began to experience the truth He spoke through Isaiah 43:1, “’Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine.” As the Lord showed me His overwhelming and relentless love, my heart stirred to serve Him with my life. I didn’t know how or where but I knew I wanted to live a life of love – loving Him and loving others.
But I often felt plagued by past mistakes or the hardships I had felt identified me. I didn’t see how God could use someone like me. I didn’t believe I had anything to contribute. Even though I knew God loved me I didn’t see myself as someone with something to offer. I only saw the brokenness that comes from sin and the pain inflicted by hard times in my family. But God never calls the qualified. He simply qualifies those whom He calls. He showed me that while I felt weak, He would show Himself strong. He showed me that His grace was truly enough.
As I high schooler I traveled to Europe for the first time. While the sights were amazing, something there was deeper that would stay with me long afterwards. There was such a hopeless. It didn’t seem to matter what country I was in or what I was doing, when I would pass someone on the street or have a conversation I couldn’t get past the idea that they were longing for something to put their hope in. As I visited churches once known for passion and revival that appeared now to be nothing more than museums, I realized I had the hope that they were looking for. Christ. What I had seen and experienced in Europe stayed with me, though my path would not lead me back there for several years.
In 2007 as a college freshman I had my first opportunity to go on a foreign mission trip. I went thinking I was going to serve others and came back with the feeling that 3 little girls had served me and shown me more about God’s love than I ever could shown them. During that trip I felt the Lord opening my eyes to a calling He was placing on my life. The call to be a missionary.
I returned to college after that trip and did what I thought was the logical thing. I declared myself a missions major. Several classes later I realized that God has something different planned. First, I had to realize that missions doesn’t necessarily mean moving to a different country. The mission field is right outside of our door. Even at Christian college I was living in the mist of a mission field. I had to surrender to God my desires to only go where I wanted, and to accept His hand as He led me to wherever it was He desired. Second, I had to realize that the mission field is need of people with a wide variety of gifts and passions. Though it confused me at first, my passion was not found within my mission-oriented classes. So after a weekend of much prayer, crying, and soul-searching, I declared as a Teaching of English as a 2nd Language Major. I began to find enjoyment and fulfillment in my classes something I hadn’t known before.
In the summer of 2009 I traveled back to Europe – this time to Wales, where I served as an intern with World Witness. While in Wales I fell in love with the people. I saw repeatedly how the hope of Christ doesn’t disappoint us as I witnessed Him change lives with His love. Being in Wales seemed to only increase the burden the Lord has placed on my heart many years before. That people need hope and love – His hope and His love.
Upon returning back to the U.S. I began praying for God to open up a door for me to serve Him after I graduated college. Last October I had the opportunity to meet with World Witness. I shared with them the desire I had to serve in Europe. As we chatted some more, they felt that serving in Spain at Evangelical Christian Academy might be a good fit for me based on my desire, my degree, and some Spanish experience I had. Though I wasn’t quite sure that this would be a place God could use, I agreed to pray for the Lord’s leading on a vision trip. I felt the Lord moving to go forth on a vision trip. Within less than 3 weeks the support I needed to go to Spain. While in Spain my heart was moved for the students at ECA. Within the ESL department many coming from non-Christian homes I saw the chance to not only teach them English but show them the light of Christ . As I attended a street ministry in Madrid and a church plant in the little town of Camarma de Esteruelas I saw the Lord at work moving in the hearts of His people. Though the trip was short, I saw how the Lord could use me. I saw how He could use not only my talents and gifts but also my past for His glory. I saw in Spain how He would take the broken and turn it into something beautiful for His kingdom.
On my last night there my devotion happened to be on Isaiah 6:8, “‘Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?’ And I said, ‘Here am I. Send me?’” That night I answered the call to Spain. I said, “Here am I. Send me to Spain.”
Though the path to Spain hasn’t been a easy road to walk, I have seen God’s hand in all of it. I can see how He has never once left me, but has held my hand through it all. He has gone before me to prepare the way for His glory to be made known. Despite times when I questioned going to Spain, He has reminded me that His ways are not my ways. I know He is the God who can do more than we can ask for or even imagine and He has shown that repeatedly through this journey. Even though there have been challenges such pushing back my departure date or applying for my visa, He has shown His promise true – “That He will never lead me nor forsake me” (Joshua 1:5). And “When my spirit grows faint within me, it is You who know my way.” Psalm 142:3a
I go to Spain to be His instrument. I desire to be His instrument of hope and love to my future students at ECA and to others whom He places in my path while in Spain. An instrument is only as good as the musician playing it. It can do nothing – make no beautiful music on its own. But when you are the Lord’s instrument He creates a beautiful melody to share with others of His hope and love.
AMAZING! :D
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