I need clarity and truth to be, and peace to make me whole
I want freedom to come, and hate to be done,
And love to guide my soul
I want love, yeah, I want love
Chorus from "Clarity" by Shawn McDonald
For the last few weeks the chorus from the song "Clarity" by Shawn McDonald has been ringing in my head. And when I say the chorus has been ringing in my head I really mean the first three words keep resounding over and over. I need clarity...I need clarity....I need clarity...
If you are reading this blog wondering why I stuck on the idea of clarity, let's just say some things don't seem quite as clear as they were a few weeks ago. A few weeks ago I was convinced I knew the next step, but while I am still convinced of the calling, other aspects seems unclear. I feel I am currently in a state of limbo, in a place of waiting.
But as I read the next words in the chorus I am convicted of that maybe I am not as in need of clarity as I am in need of the "truth to be." Maybe I'm not as in need of clarity in what's to happen next as I am in need of to just be. It's as if I have been so consumed with what I'm to do (especially with what I'm to do next) that I have forgotten what it means to simply be at the feet of Jesus.
I've been reading a book for the past few days called Simple Spirituality. (Aside - This was one of the $5 Books of the Day at Urbana...let's just say I left with the majority of the Books of the Day and this is only the second one I've read...I'm once again putting myself of a buying of book freeze until I read the ones I have). This book is amazingly challenging. Definitely puts me out of my comfort zone and convicts me to examine my life and see how it compares to the life Christ calls us to live. I was reading the chapters in the book about humility and community and it addresses the idea of doing vs. being. I would adamantly claim that I know that I cannot earn my salvation, but so often I find myself trying to do enough to be found worthy in the eyes of my Savior. The author, Christopher L. Heuertz, says, "We think that we need to do the right things to earn God's love and acceptance. We that we have to earn our place in God's family. However impossible, that is, for many, seeking to earn this approval is much easier than simply receiving the approval that is already available." So often I find myself trying to earn what is already available to me. Trying to impress God with all of my accomplishments in serving Him. As Heuertz writes early in the book, "God's not impressed...God sees us as God's own, that we are 'enough' just being ourselves before God." Coming to Christ just as we are is enough. Look at the scriptures as see countless people coming to Jesus just as they were...and He accepts and loves each and every single one of them. There is nothing I can do or anyone I can be that will impress my Lord, He loves us each as we are.
So my need for clarity for the future is not the quest I desire for this summer. My heart's desire for this summer - for my life - is for Christ to increase and for me to decrease. To live a life not consumed by doing but content and joyful in being. For my identify to not be found in what I do, but for my identity to be found in Christ alone.
